quarta-feira, 17 de setembro de 2008

Direito de ficar calada

Meu editor veio conversar comigo hoje. Está preocupado pq tenho estado ríspida, de mau humor e queria saber o motivo. O motivo? Simples. Me reservo o direito a ficar calada, a ficar doente, a ficar triste, a ficar cansada. Me reservo o direito a não ter de sorrir o tempo inteiro ou mesmo contar piada. Pq escrevo isso aqui? Pq ele não é a primeira pessoa a vir me perguntar o que está acontecendo comigo.

Entendo e agradeço a preocupação de todos, mas será que não é hora de uma reflexão generalizada? Será que cada um não tem direito a ter seus dias de quietude e solidão? Tudo o que quero é ficar no meu canto, calada, fazendo meu trabalho.

A sociedade vive nos cobrando uma felicidade eterna, um riso aberto no rosto, todos os dias, todas as horas. Mas o que fazer então com os momentos de reclusão? Ora, como já publiquei antes, não sou pessoa afeita às máscaras. O que penso e sinto é transparente, visível a todos. Por isso até ele pode perceber que não estou lá muito bem. Tenho direito a isso e estou cobrando os meus dias de Gazzaneo (brincando com um amigo de trabalho que tem no mau humor sua marcar rs).

Mas o que esperar de uma pessoa que está doente há mais de 10 dias? Bom humor? Não aguento mais tomar remédios. Não aguento mais as dores no corpo o estado febril permanente. Já passei pelos dias de antibiótico. Agora, estou na fase dos 10 dias de antialérgico. Nem adianta mais tomar remédios para dor de cabeça. É isso. Obrigada pelos convites pra sair. Obrigada pelas ligações, e-mails, conversas. Meu chefe queria me dar uns dias de folga. Mas não quero. De que adianta ficar em casa neste estado? Prefiro tirar folga quando estiver bem, quando puder ir à praia, ao cinema, sei lá, aproveitar a folga né. Ficar em casa, deitada... to fora. Quero ficar quieta sim, mas sem radicalismos.

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